Well, I've done it. Tonight is the first time since my first child has been born that I've been home and not nursed one of them to sleep. I have weaned them, just like that.
It's certainly bittersweet, like a good marmalade. I cried about it a few days ago, to a stranger, of course. Part of my weaning process was to visit my sister-in-law sans children for a few days. She was kind enough of hire a massage therapist/energy healer for me and I bawled my eyes out during my session.
For a few weeks I've been drinking sage tea and explaining to the kids that my body isn't making milk anymore since they're not babies. A lie, yes, but I feel it's better than, "I just really don't want to nurse you anymore. It's me, not you." Like a bad break-up.
Anywho, BuggaBoo was quite upset about me drying up and talked about it a lot. Many tears were shed and many hugs were shared. Grieving on both sides was to be expected.
Doozer didn't understand as much, and I didn't expect her to. I dried up during my pregnancy with Doozer and BuggaBoo trucked along in the nursing department. There was no way Doozer was going to quit just because I had a decreased milk supply.
That leads me to my trip to visit the sister-in-law. First, it was much needed Me Time. Just wonderful. Second, the kids got a bit used to going to bed without nursing. BuggaBoo even came up with the idea to drink a cup of milk with molasses stirred into it before lights out. After the first night it was reported to me that the kids were doing well.
Now we come to tonight. My first out-and-out lie. I told my children I have no more milk. This is not true, and I'm actually a bit uncomfortable. Not nursing for five days will do that. However, with much tears (and screaming) on Doozer's part she did finally go to sleep without "nurshing." BuggaBoo did awfully well with a snuggle.
And here I am. I'm not sure where that is, though. I'm crying because I'll never nurse these kids again. But I'm so relieved because I'll never nurse these kids again. Mothering seems to be so much of creating beauty with your children and then knowing when to rip it apart for the good of everyone.
To my children: I loved nursing you. I know it wasn't always a sweet and lovely experience, but I cherish the time you spent at my breast. Thank you for nurturing my soul and I nurtured your bodies. I truly grieve for our loss, yet I anticipate the dances of love we will join in the future.
I love you guys.