Cabbage Leaves Stuffed with Hazelnuts and Sprouted Lentils

This last Saturday we bought a gorgeous cabbage from the farmer's market. I was seriously excited about it because it still had its outer leaves on it. They don't sell cabbages like that at WinCo. I decided to make some cabbage rolls in the crockpot since we had a busy day running errands and later attending my pattern drafting class I'm taking Monday nights.

I was influenced by Jennifer McCaan's recipe but altered it to use ingredients I had on hand. So here we go!

Stuffing:

• 1 cup raw hazelnuts, chopped
• 1 cup sprouted lentils, chopped
• 3/4 cup oat bran
• 1/4 cup bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/2 tsp marjoram
• 1/4 tsp thyme
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 2 Tbsp soy sauce
• water to moisten
• cabbage leaves for stuffing (Go to Jennifer's recipe to read how to prepare the leaves.)
• tomato sauce (I used leftover spaghetti sauce from a can. High class, I know.)
  

Mix everything but the cabbage leaves and tomato sauce together. Add just enough water to create a mixture that will stick together when pressed. Create stuffing logs that will fit comfortably into your cabbage leaves, leaving about an inch on each side of the leaf to tuck in, like a burrito.

Spray your crockpot with oil and put one or two tablespoons of tomato sauce on the bottom. Put in your cabbage packages seam side down.

So pretty!

Spoon you tomato sauce over your cabbage rolls. Cook on low for 4-5 hours, until filling is cooked through. Enjoy eating these, because they're mighty scrumptious.


What I would do differently next time is add cooked rice, which I didn't do this time because I didn't want to go to the trouble to prepare the rice. Also, I think some sauteed garlic and onions and other veggies would be quite at home in this. I wish I had Dijon mustard to add, because dang that would have been good. I think throwing some sauerkraut in the pot around the rolls would be divine. Basically I don't think you could do these a wrong way.

Rolling is easy but a little time consuming, especially with trying to get the leaves off the cabbage head in one piece and blanching them. To save on time I might try shredding my cabbage and mix it with half the tomato sauce. Then I would put down a layer of cabbage, a layer of filling, and then another layer of cabbage. Top it with more tomato sauce, cook it, and serve it like a casserole.

And that it for this. Have a great night, I'm going to go snuggle in bed with the family.

Off-The-Cuff Broccoli Soup

So for breakfast I decided to make some pureed broccoli soup to use up some questionable produce in my fridge. What, don't you have soup for breakfast? Also, I wanted to put some veggies in my kid since yesterday was firmly in the all-he-ate-was-french-fries category. *hangs head in shame*

I had part of a broccoli crown, a broccoli stem, and some collards that needed eating, so I whipped this up and was surprised. This was so good! I want to eat it all but must restrain myself so that The Hubby can has his share. I really have to do this because it was so good I sneaked him a bite while he was sleeping off his night shift. Lesson learned, if I want more soup I can't share.

Look at that gorgeous green!

I didn't measure, but I hope that won't deter you. Also in the list of hopeful-non-deterrents is the sprouted lentils. I had them on hand because they're useful. Soak them for about eight hours, drain, then put them in a container with a lid to keep them moist, rinsing at least once a day. This is my second day sprouting this batch.

Recipe!

• Water, not too much
• Salt
• Broccoli equitable to one crown, chopped
• Four collard leaves turning yellow, ends discarded and chopped. I keep my stems, why waste good food?
• One medium potato chopped, for smoothness
• A good handful of sprouted lentils
• Another good handful of raw sunflower seeds
• Nutritional yeast

Simmer everything except for the nutritional yeast because heat will destroy the B vitamins in the yeast. When things are tender but not falling apart puree the soup in batches. Keep the center portion out of your blender lid and use a towel to cover it. Watch out for steam! After the soup is smooth taste for salt adjustment then add nutritional yeast to taste. Ladle up, adding more nutritional yeast as a garnish if wanted.

BuggaBoo likes it, Doozer loves it, and I'm hoping to make it again soon. Yum! This is obviously vegan but also gluten free, so all ya'll of my friends that have a hard time finding good quick gluten free recipes, try this out. Tell me how you like it.

BuggaBoo was excited to eat his soup with a straw. He also requested nutritional yeast, Diaya cheese, AND a spoon.



Because everything tastes better with more stuff. This is the first time we've ever owned Diaya cheese, it was purchased for a date and we're so stingy with any processed vegan faux food that we still have some left, even after making a pizza with the leftovers. BuggaBoo is, of course, in love with. It's okay, it's stringy like real cheese but not worth the cost, in my opinion.

So go look in your fridge at those languishing veggies and cook up an imaginative soup. Come on, I dare ya. You can even eat it with a straw if you want to.

Why I Blog: The Second Introduction

First, a retraction: In my last post I brought up the fact that when I visit my family I have the tendency to slip into old behaviors that I don't like. While that is true I shouldn't have left out that being with my family is also a positive experience, not all negative. I love being with my family and there is so much good that goes on. There is a lot of growth I see in everyone, there are new and old babies to love, a huge farm to run around on, and family that loves me. I just happened to be focusing on the not-so-pleasant at the time.

On another note I hear an imagined chorus whilst typing such posts. What is this chorus saying? "Okay, Krista, get with the happy-making. Enough with this doom and gloom stuff, this isn't why I came here, I visit this blog to read cutesy updates of the kiddos. Or tutorials. Or there better be at least pictures." If you're coming here for that kind of stuff you'll need to glean it. I actually started the blog to document my life and the changes I'm making. The Hubby and kids happen to feature prominently in that life, so they will make steady appearances. But the bulk will be personal revelations and doings, often in a navel gazing manner.

See, I approach my blogging as an open journal. Maybe I should be keeping a private journal, but something about reaching an audience is so tantalizing that it keeps me writing whereas a traditional journal would not. Having this audience also makes me aware of my writing process. I need to be absolutely clear about my meaning so others can understand me. By being so clear for someone else I help to sort my thoughts for myself. Many times I've come to epiphanies through explaining my thoughts.

These personal thoughts of mine help me, but I hope that they help others. This is the second reason why I blog, and do so with boldness. One motive for keeping a journal is to help others in their journey. Well, with the danger of sounding prideful, I would like to help others now. And many of my friends, both in the blogging world and in real life, have expressed gratitude for sharing my struggles and triumphs.

I may not speak kindly or positively about those in my life. When I first set up this blog I wrestled with the decision to share it with my intimate friends and family for fear of hurting their feelings. I especially worried about my mother and father reading since so much of my growing has to do with overcoming childhood pain. In the end I decided to include everyone. I know that even though I will try to be tactful others' feelings may become hurt. However, I believe that most times hurt is necessary for growth, for both parties involved. I believe that true understanding can help. I do not claim to always take the higher moral ground, as I will have times of passive-aggressive moments where I will bring up personal hurts here instead of with the responsible party. I'm trying to do better. Sometimes the issue has already been brought up but I'm still sorting it out in my life. So I will journal it.

I hope that all of you reading up on me will appreciate my postings. I feel honored that so many want to know what goes on in my life, the good and bad. I am grateful for the outpouring of support shown to me and the sharing of personal stories. I'm excited to get to know you all better, whether you've been in my life this short while or with me my entire life.

So buckle up, this ride is gonna be ca-razy.

I'm in a dark mood so this will be a dark, if ironically an enlightening, post.

I spent the last week at my family's place. I went to help my li'l sister out with her new baby because her hubby was leaving to Denver for some job training.

Visiting my family is hard. I love them so much and when I'm living in my own world I enhance the good things I miss. When I'm with my family then I'm also confronted with all the hard, and I regress to what I've been trying to leave behind in myself.

This time was especially hard because I hadn't balanced myself from the three-week stay in July when I went up for my brother's graduation. Because of reverting back to my former self I've been raging against my little family and myself, but BuggaBoo is getting the brunt of it for the sin of being a willful toddler. He has taken to tracking my moods, asking me dozens of times a day if I'm happy, and if I answer otherwise he starts crying.

So today The Hubby took the children out for a long walk and I tackled the kitchen, listening to music cranked way up (sorry, neighbors). Today must be "ballads about horrible relationships" day on Pandora, and that got me thinking about my parents and their marriage and how we were affected. Two songs in particular really hit me hard, "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna, and "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. And, please trust me, they may be rap and pop songs and the Lady Gaga song may be mostly frippery, but they at least started the thoughts rolling around in my head.

My parents don't have a very good marriage. It's the elephant in the room we're not supposed to point out. So while doing the dishes I was ruminating on how my siblings and I have a hard time in our marriages and sometimes with our kids. We want to have different experiences in our family but we don't know how because the omnipresent example was how our parents interacted with each other an us. We know what we want to be but we don't know how to get there.

And then I realized that my parents' relationship has nothing to do with us. Let me say that again, with caps: IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH US KIDS. My parents' marriage was about them, their individual relationships with us had to do with us. If we had never been born or had been different people it would have been the same between them. We never had the power to control their emotions, actions, or reactions. No matter how good or bad we were they CHOSE to have the marriage they have.

I am not laying blame at the feet of my father and mother. Just in the way that I can not control their actions they cannot control mine. And also, just in the way that I do not know how to act because of their example they do not know how because they never had a good example, either. My father never learned how to show any emotions except for happiness or anger. Even the anger he could not show as a child, but learned that the fear of anger can make a child comply, that the strong (his father) use that technique, and so that how he handles us. My mother did not learn how to react to a frontal attack because her parents did not act that way, her mother uses guilt to mold her children. And so my mother will use guilt with us. And this is how they treat each other.

So, what do I do? I am breaking the spirit of my son because I don't have myself under control. I feel the rage creeping up wanting to take over, wanting me to hurt my child. I abuse him emotionally but stopping short of physically doing so, but just barely. What is it about this small, beautiful child that makes me so angry? That makes me want to harm him?

Honestly, there is nothing about HIM that MAKES me do anything. Just as I do not have control over my parents he does not have control over me. I am trying to excuse myself by saying it is his fault. It isn't. It isn't my parents' fault. It is mine. As my brother said this last week I am an adult now, what happened as a child is done.

So, I am writing this out for me, to be able to look back and remember that I said this: I am owning my problem. This is about me, I need to find a way to fix it. I don't know how yet, but I know why and when. Why, because I love my babies and The Hubby and I don't want to hurt them. And the when is now. This starts now.

So, Mom, I know you're reading this. Stop feeling guilty. No, you're not perfect. Neither is Dad. But Dad and you didn't do this to me. I am doing this to myself, but no longer.

Twilight: The Nursing Years

So it's official, I live with two vampires of the milky variety. Between the two of my chilluns I've been sucked dry, mostly of my emotional sanity. Don't worry about my milk supply, I honestly think I could support triplets.

Doozer is teething/growth-spurting/mastering the new skill of pulling herself up. This leads to nursing and holding marathons. She usually sleeps long stretches at night, but because of the aforementioned reasons she is staying latched on nearly the whole night with a 1-2 hour break in the early morning.

BuggaBoo is driving me crazy with the nursing. I'm torn about this, because when I dig down deeply I know that I love our nursing relationship, but his lack of patience is wearing me thin, thin, thin. He had been eating a lot of solids a few days ago, horking down as much food as we, the parents, do, but now he is back to mostly nursing. I'm afraid to cut him off, however, because his vomiting episodes usually follow a nursing marathon.

To show you how stressed I am, here this is: Although I am a strong believer in child-led weaning I have thought about weaning BuggaBoo completely. But it's not time, his nursing need hasn't been fulfilled yet. Nursing is the most important thing to him, he'll will choose it over almost anything. He will choose it over cookies, ice cream, and frosting, which are his favorite desserts.

As more evidence I'm going to relate our night-weaning experience. When I was 3 months pregnant with Doozer BuggaBoo was about 20 months old. He was still nursing every hour or two at night and staying latched for 15-45 minutes at a time. I was exhausted from growing a new baby and decided to night-wean the boy. Our agreement was he could nurse to sleep and nurse in the morning (loosely, after 6am) but that was it. Well, it was a month of screaming and crying and holding my breasts and touching a mole on my chest (he always touches it while we nurse) and going crazy. But after the month he was night-weaned and would ask to nurse at night about once a week, which I declined.

So by the time Doozer was born he had been night-weaned for six months. He still sleeps with us on a twin bed next to our queen. Well, it started when she was born and still continues to this day: BuggaBoo hears Doozer nursing and asks to nurse. He cries when I say no. Still. It's not every night, but it's often enough to be annoying.

So, to sum up the whole story, even if I were to wean BuggaBoo right now it would be absolute hell for the both of us because I'm still nursing Doozer and he would feel (rightfully) hurt every time he saw her nurse.

So we plug along. I don't do much in the way of housework. I'm feeling pressure from some about that because doncha know that a clean house is the good mark of a mother? I feel all touched out by the end of the day, and being touched by anyone else *coughTheHubbycough* gives me the skeevies. Oh, heck, even the kids touching me gives me the all-overs. I usually can't take a bath without one or the other in there with me, nursing away and splashing water all over the book I happen to be reading at the time (I try not to take library books in with me).

But the worst part of it all is I often feel like I've cheated BuggaBoo, that we had Doozer too soon for his needs. If it was just him then we could nurse whenever, without having to share or wait or scream. Nursing wouldn't be a battle of the wills, it would be me and my baby. Sometimes I feel Doozer could have waited.

Which then makes me feel guilty, because I LOVE this little girl, and I'm so happy she's here so then I think if BuggaBoo wasn't around so much then I could just have a relationship with her, and she's being shafted because BuggaBoo can't leave me alone.

We mothers are great about bringing on the guilt trips.

Because You NEEDED to Know

Okay guys, I love sushi. I can eat a lot of it. A. Lot. Several rolls. But I would like to let ya'll know that homemade brown rice cucumber-avocado rolls are soooooo much more filling than their white rice counterparts that you find in restaurants. So if you want to go for the whole grains and use brown rice you can totally try my recipe out, which was inspired by Susan at Fat Free Vegan and Jennifer at Vegan Lunchbox/Shmooed Food.

1 cup short grain brown rice
2 Tbsp amaranth (it makes the rice "gluier")
3 cup + 3 Tbsp water

Throw it all into a rice cooker, let the appliance do it's thing. Use your favorite sushi rice flavorings (the above links have good ideas). Roll some sushi. No, I don't have pictures.

Pass the Chalk

BuggaBoo has become quite the artist. He is loving his chalk, both outdoors and in.Because of the best daddy in the world BuggaBoo has a huge chalkboard in our kitchen, created with some blackboard paint. Very cool stuff, we'll need to take pictures sometime.

Anyway, back to the budding artist. All of this kinda started with his obsession of adding eyes to everything. Here's his first gallery. Surface, asphalt; medium, washable chalk.

"Circles and Triangle and Cute Little Toes"




"Fish"




"Three Fish"




"Whale"




"Ring Around the Chalk Pile"




"Concentric Circles with Foot for Scale"




The artist himself, age 2.5 years




The hand that created it all




The little sister, who burbles,




and laughs,




and who can't




quite




sit still.




And the Mom.




And a sighting of Bigfoot.




Right?