Sunday, August 22, 2010


Sorry for the lack of substantial posts around here, my life imploded. Here's the laundry list, 'cause I want to get it all out with as least typing as possible:

1) Our car died, something with the front differential and the axle. A good friend of ours that owns a used car dealership is helping is fix it for extremely cheap but getting parts has been troublesome. We would like to buy all used since we drive a 1992 Toyota Camry and it's not worth it to put in new parts but one of the parts we need is NEVER sold used because you need new gaskets to rebuild it and the manufacturer doesn't supply gasket kits. Awesome.

2) Our cats brought home fleas. My entire house is flea infested now, and all four of us humans are getting bitten constantly. I don't want to use chemical means to get rid of them because Doozer is constantly on the carpet or trying to eat the cat. We've been brushing out Pistachio (the kitty that comes home, I haven't seen Bella in days [it's the summer, she goes feral {how many parenthesis can I put in here}]) a few times a day and drowning the fleas in soap water. We've also been trying to vacuum several times a days but that brings me to point number...

3) My house is a disaster. Why? Let's look at points four and five...

4) BuggaBoo is growing or something and is in need of major Mommy time. And...

5) So is Doozer. She's learning to crawl (almost there!) and teething and getting sick again and starting separation anxiety. So either my arms are full of baby or she's crying on the floor or we're sleeping together in bed. She's also only napping for about five minute stretches (oh, how I wish I was making that up) so she's also really sleep deprived.

6) The Hubby is still having to work mandatory overtime. So that on top of already having to work nights isn't fun.

7) I deleted my Facebook account. Which has been a pretty positive move, but has an unintended side affect.

I'm lonely.

And it's more than just the deletion of my account that is causing my loneliness. I mean, I hardly have a present or conscious spouse around. My car is dead, which makes getting places difficult. Going on walks is always possible but it's so hard to get out of the house. I don't like making phone calls because BuggaBoo can be playing by himself so nicely but as soon as I pick up the receiver *WHAM!* he attacks me, starved for attention. If I don't get off the phone quickly he then spirals downward into malicious behaviors to force my attention.

And I have a few friends from the past that I'm pretty sure aren't friends with me anymore but don't have the courtesy to tell me so, which is a major bummer. I have made new friends, so that's good and wonderful, but it's not a straight conversion process. Seriously, one new friendship doesn't make up for one dissolved one.

I'm trying to figure out where things fell apart, and I'm feeling anxious about it. I think it's my fault because it's after I share what I deem to be needed information that the other person clams up. I know that last sentence looks really rude on the surface, so let me defend myself a bit. I feel strongly about many things in life, but the big ones in my life right now are attachment parenting, breastfeeding, natural and midwife-attended childbirth, male and female genital integrity, co-sleeping, vegetarianism and veganism, delayed or non-vaccination, and homeschooling. I know that looks like an overwhelming list, but most of them are covered under birth and parenting practices.

I totally understand that all of the above are touchy subjects. Most were touchy with me when they were first brought to my attention. I actually became "converted" to attachment parenting trying to disprove it. We were going to circumcise our sons for many reasons until we researched it in depth. We were going to practice cry-it-out with our babies until we read about how it can be damaging.

I know that situations vary for different families. I get it. I'm not living in some rose-colored hole in the ground. I also know that I might be the determining factor in some of my friend's eating and parenting decisions. I don't think I'm being overly aggressive about my point of view. For instance, a friend was having a conversation about vaccinations and the LDS Church's stance on them. She said it was not open for discussion, but then the comments were starting to be condescending towards those who choose not to vaccinate. Here is my reply:

I understand and respect all of your opinions, but please don't think that people who don't vaccinate are somehow stupid or ill-informed.

As for polio when the government started vaccinating for it the vaccine was a live-virus vaccine. All the cases of polio after that were contracted from the vaccination. Now that they are using a dead-virus vaccination it's not 100% effective, so the child that does contract polio may well have been vaccinated for it.

*sigh* I'm not trying to debate, please believe me. I want to bring up different point of views. I truly understand the Church's stance on this matter. I also understand that the Church knows that individual circumstances vary (think about working mothers). For my family we are following a delayed, limited vaccine routine due to the correlation of vaccinations and Type I diabetes. Our pediatrician agrees.

Yes, I'm fishing for responses like, "Oh, that was perfectly tactful," or, "Thought provoking, not aggressive!" But I also want to know if I stepped out of my bounds. See, this friend has not replied back to this or any of the several comments I have left her on her baby blog. Not one. I'm sure that I've lost this friend, someone who called me twin in college because we were so alike. And because we disagree?

Oh, look at this, I'm turning this into a real whine-fest, aren't I? Sorry, my blog, my open journal, I'm going to whine if I wanna.

I'm just curious when it happened that we became such a polite society that it because the preferable option to stop talking to someone rather than tell them you don't agree with their point of view. I know this is possible, I have this relationship with my sister-in-law. We have a lot in common (of course, my brother married her) but there are things we disagree on, notably vaccinations aned co-sleeping. And that's okay! We still talk. Heck, we even talk about those points on which we differ and still have friendly, horizon-expanding conversations.

Okay, this is getting really rambly and I don't know how to end it, so here I try. I'm lonely, that sucks. Talk to your friends, because if you don't that sucks. And having fleas in your home sucks.


  1. Oh, miss Krista. A virtual hug maybe? Wow. Motherhood can be so intensely isolating at times. My hubby is always telling me to be more open and transparent about struggles of life, because it will encourage someone else, instead of trying to appear all together. Good for you. I'm so sorry all this has happened at one time. I have some friendships that have atrophied naturally but one in particular (she was my roommate two years in college and one of my bridesmaids) that I don't even know what happened. I kept reaching out and getting no response and several years later I still don't know what happened. Kevin reminded me that some friends are friends just for a season of life ... Relationships among women are just so difficult ...

    Completely off the subject, YES, you should make one of those skirts, they are geniusly simple to make and sooooo comfy - I bet even more so when you are still at the stage where your size is changing some. And relatively inexpensive too. Besides, I want to see a picture of your version

    Oh, just FYI, we eat meat and we have vaccinated and don't cosleep (though I cloth diapered, and didn't circ, and we have special diet needs, and I extended bf'ed), but I still enjoy reading your blog!

  2. I talked to you already today and shared with you, but i just want to let you know again that i love you, i'm here for you, i'm sad i can't come and help you out and just want you to know you are a strong women and a strong mommy and i love you :)

  3. Being a young mother with small children can leave you feeling isolated and unappreciated; it's not just you it happens to all of us. I joined a play group and a craft group and had friends over frequently with kiddies the same age as mine. I didn't "click" with everyone, but some of them I'm still friends with twenty years later! btw I don't recall discussing bf, or vaccinations or any loaded political/motherhood questions like that with any of them, we talked about bigger picture stuff, or local news and none of us has or had extreme views or inflexible opinions, which helps when you're making new friends.

    Maybe your friend may have felt confronted or judged by your comment. I hope you make it up with her. Sometimes girls need a break from each other... and you'll be best friends again later, as Caroline said, women's friendships can be fraught

  4. I liked what you said about the vaccinations! As for the lonely, I feel ya there! We all have very trying times that come upon us and my favorite saying is when it rains it pours! And it is so true for everything going on. Jeff has an acquaintance that said the star alignments are going to cause some really rough traveling till October, 'So grab your girdles and stand tall, be ready to bend, and you will do all right', or something to that effect. Loves and hugs.

  5. I'm sure that friend absolutely loves you to pieces...and maybe teared up while reading this post...and maybe had no idea that she was failing to respond to your comments. (Not even the one about car seats?? Really?? That's downright shameful considering she's obsessive with things like safety and had been doing lots of research coming up with the same conclusion as you)...and maybe read your comment about vaccines and felt bad about the polio comment because she remembered you reasons for delaying or choosing not to vaccinate which are completely understandable and must put you in situations where you have to make tough decisions and was at a loss for a response that was as appropriate and as kind as her comments should have been in the first place...and definitely misses you a ton.

    You know, I can fully tolerate conversations with screaming toddlers in the background if you're ever desperate and need to make a phone call via speaker phone...I'm really good at answering phone calls as long as I remember to turn my ringer back on. :o)

    Off to respond to some blog comments.

    PS-I found a tutorial for making your own maternity jeans and was so frustrated that I didn't have a place like facebook to send you random links. Then, I was going to post it on one of your blogs as a comment and remembered you're not pregnant anymore.

  6. For Nica, a tool that I have found to be extremely useful for sharing things is a browser plugin called Shareaholic. You can set it up to send a link to Facebook, blog, email, that sort of thing. Just click the button when you are on a page you want to share, select where you want to send it, write a short note if you want to add context, and send it off. Dead simple, and a great way to share things like the article you are talking about without being tied to a service that somebody may elect to not use.

    Personally, I find myself posting links to my blog, and then inevitably wind up writing a semi-long post with my thoughts about the story.

    Krista, I think we completely understand your frustration and isolation. An extremely large part of our adult socialization comes from being online, largely because of how isolated we are from our friends geographically, and our limited finances for going somewhere to visit. Hang in there, and give us a holler if you want some company, or want somebody to take Afton off your hands for a bit and take him to the park or something.

  7. To be fair, it only took me a whole week to remember that your car was busted. 'Doh! I was serious about borrowing my beater if you need to go somewhere. I need to start riding my bike to work anyway. :P My better half is also more than willing to take you where you need to go, or have you over for a respite in an air conditioned (flea free... hopefully) house. Let us know.

  8. Caroline, we can still be friends! And I hear you about the reaching out repeatedly without response. And I will make a skirt, eventually...

    Jillyn, I love you, too.

    Carolyn, thank you for your comment. I know that parenting can be very lonely. Maybe some of that is my fault, I'm actually pretty shy in new situations. Also, around here things like vaccinations, breastfeeding, etc. ARE often brought up and debated about in mommy-circles, which I often wish it wasn't.

    Sarah, I really hope October isn't rougher, 'cause dang.

    Nica, I'm pretty sure you have a friend that was very touched by your comment and maybe teared up a bit on her part when she read everything. And where did you find the tutorial for maternity pants? I think I'm having more kids in the future. Call me some time, I don't have your new number.

    Geoffrie, maybe we should go back to communal living where we all gather around in the evenings sharing meals. I like that idea.

    Matt, it's okay. We've had so many offers for borrowing cars. We also were motivated to set up our bikes and trailers and they're working like a charm. But thank you for your concern, I'm touched.

  9. hehe...I love that I am a good friend! :-) Sorry, couldn't help but put that in there.

    I am sorry that you are lonely. I am in the same boat, since I have not been online that much since having the latest baby. We need to get out together and take the kids to the park or something. After Wed it is supposed to cool down a lot, so let me know if you want to go for a walk or to the park, k?

  10. Andrea, that sounds great. We'll figure it out.

  11. Ok, so for the fleas, diatomaceous earth works wonders. It kills all bugs & will kill any eggs that might hatch later. And it is pretty safe, though extremely messy. Also, peppermint essencial oil will kill the fleas too. I used it in my laundry & kept a spray bottle filled with water with like 30 drops of oil in it that I would spray on the carpets & such. Good luck! Fleas suck!
    Also, if you ever want to get out I'm a few blocks down from you by Tuality. We have a hot tub if you'd like to make use of it during the day while my kids are at school & hubby is at work. I can turn it down so it's not too hot.

  12. Oh honey I'm so sorry for all your chaos!
    I can relate to some of what you're going through and promise you now is not forever.
    I understand about phone calls, but if you ever get lonely enough to risk a Bug meltdown call me!
    As for friendship I wonder if that person is keeping quiet in the spirit of "if you can't say anything nice...." Sometimes we grow up in such passive aggressiveness it is hard to be honest and forthright.

    I wish you the best as always darlin'. As soon as I'm not sick and my kids start school I will come visit.

  13. te tree oil works for fleas.. two drops on the neck
    also heals all types of wounds, kills mold, cures yeast infections, and gets rid of lice
    its magic really

  14. dw, thanks for the tip, we're looking into diatomaceous earth broomed into the carpet. But what do we do about under the beds and other furniture?

    Nichol, thank you for the hug, it was needed.

    Tisha, thanks! I love tea tree oil, but I was reading that it can be harmful to cats. But I heard peppermint oil works for fleas. Now to see if it's bad for cats...

  15. It's been awhile since I've been on your blog. This was a heart-wrenching post to read (as a mother that's far away). I enjoyed our talk the other day. I always enjoy talking with you. New motherhood is chaotic under the best of circumstances - and you've been thrown some doozies lately, so your frustration and loneliness is understandable. It was times like these that brought me to my knees and where my real relationship with my Heavenly Father started; where I really thought of him as my 'father' - someone who cared and wanted to help me. I love you you - I love you all!