Lonely

Sorry for the lack of substantial posts around here, my life imploded. Here's the laundry list, 'cause I want to get it all out with as least typing as possible:

1) Our car died, something with the front differential and the axle. A good friend of ours that owns a used car dealership is helping is fix it for extremely cheap but getting parts has been troublesome. We would like to buy all used since we drive a 1992 Toyota Camry and it's not worth it to put in new parts but one of the parts we need is NEVER sold used because you need new gaskets to rebuild it and the manufacturer doesn't supply gasket kits. Awesome.

2) Our cats brought home fleas. My entire house is flea infested now, and all four of us humans are getting bitten constantly. I don't want to use chemical means to get rid of them because Doozer is constantly on the carpet or trying to eat the cat. We've been brushing out Pistachio (the kitty that comes home, I haven't seen Bella in days [it's the summer, she goes feral {how many parenthesis can I put in here}]) a few times a day and drowning the fleas in soap water. We've also been trying to vacuum several times a days but that brings me to point number...

3) My house is a disaster. Why? Let's look at points four and five...

4) BuggaBoo is growing or something and is in need of major Mommy time. And...

5) So is Doozer. She's learning to crawl (almost there!) and teething and getting sick again and starting separation anxiety. So either my arms are full of baby or she's crying on the floor or we're sleeping together in bed. She's also only napping for about five minute stretches (oh, how I wish I was making that up) so she's also really sleep deprived.

6) The Hubby is still having to work mandatory overtime. So that on top of already having to work nights isn't fun.

7) I deleted my Facebook account. Which has been a pretty positive move, but has an unintended side affect.

I'm lonely.

And it's more than just the deletion of my account that is causing my loneliness. I mean, I hardly have a present or conscious spouse around. My car is dead, which makes getting places difficult. Going on walks is always possible but it's so hard to get out of the house. I don't like making phone calls because BuggaBoo can be playing by himself so nicely but as soon as I pick up the receiver *WHAM!* he attacks me, starved for attention. If I don't get off the phone quickly he then spirals downward into malicious behaviors to force my attention.

And I have a few friends from the past that I'm pretty sure aren't friends with me anymore but don't have the courtesy to tell me so, which is a major bummer. I have made new friends, so that's good and wonderful, but it's not a straight conversion process. Seriously, one new friendship doesn't make up for one dissolved one.

I'm trying to figure out where things fell apart, and I'm feeling anxious about it. I think it's my fault because it's after I share what I deem to be needed information that the other person clams up. I know that last sentence looks really rude on the surface, so let me defend myself a bit. I feel strongly about many things in life, but the big ones in my life right now are attachment parenting, breastfeeding, natural and midwife-attended childbirth, male and female genital integrity, co-sleeping, vegetarianism and veganism, delayed or non-vaccination, and homeschooling. I know that looks like an overwhelming list, but most of them are covered under birth and parenting practices.

I totally understand that all of the above are touchy subjects. Most were touchy with me when they were first brought to my attention. I actually became "converted" to attachment parenting trying to disprove it. We were going to circumcise our sons for many reasons until we researched it in depth. We were going to practice cry-it-out with our babies until we read about how it can be damaging.

I know that situations vary for different families. I get it. I'm not living in some rose-colored hole in the ground. I also know that I might be the determining factor in some of my friend's eating and parenting decisions. I don't think I'm being overly aggressive about my point of view. For instance, a friend was having a conversation about vaccinations and the LDS Church's stance on them. She said it was not open for discussion, but then the comments were starting to be condescending towards those who choose not to vaccinate. Here is my reply:

I understand and respect all of your opinions, but please don't think that people who don't vaccinate are somehow stupid or ill-informed.

As for polio when the government started vaccinating for it the vaccine was a live-virus vaccine. All the cases of polio after that were contracted from the vaccination. Now that they are using a dead-virus vaccination it's not 100% effective, so the child that does contract polio may well have been vaccinated for it.

*sigh* I'm not trying to debate, please believe me. I want to bring up different point of views. I truly understand the Church's stance on this matter. I also understand that the Church knows that individual circumstances vary (think about working mothers). For my family we are following a delayed, limited vaccine routine due to the correlation of vaccinations and Type I diabetes. Our pediatrician agrees.

Yes, I'm fishing for responses like, "Oh, that was perfectly tactful," or, "Thought provoking, not aggressive!" But I also want to know if I stepped out of my bounds. See, this friend has not replied back to this or any of the several comments I have left her on her baby blog. Not one. I'm sure that I've lost this friend, someone who called me twin in college because we were so alike. And because we disagree?

Oh, look at this, I'm turning this into a real whine-fest, aren't I? Sorry, my blog, my open journal, I'm going to whine if I wanna.

I'm just curious when it happened that we became such a polite society that it because the preferable option to stop talking to someone rather than tell them you don't agree with their point of view. I know this is possible, I have this relationship with my sister-in-law. We have a lot in common (of course, my brother married her) but there are things we disagree on, notably vaccinations aned co-sleeping. And that's okay! We still talk. Heck, we even talk about those points on which we differ and still have friendly, horizon-expanding conversations.

Okay, this is getting really rambly and I don't know how to end it, so here I try. I'm lonely, that sucks. Talk to your friends, because if you don't that sucks. And having fleas in your home sucks.

Caution: Complaining Ahead, Also Some Controversy

BuggaBoo is sick. Again. I don't know what it is but he's never been this sick this often. Is it because he's a more social creature now and all of his friends get sick? It's a mystery to me.

I wouldn't worry so much about BuggaBoo being sick if it weren't for the fact that I have a 3-month-old Doozer in the house. And I think she's getting what BuggaBoo has. Again. What do I think BuggaBoo has?

Whooping cough.

If you follow the above link and read the first two paragraphs those are exactly the symptoms BuggaBoo has had to date. Tired, wet productive cough, clear runny nose, lack of appetite, low grade fever, sneezing.

Doozer has had a cough (not as wet or as often as BuggaBoo's), sneezing, and today she's been not very hungry, had a low fever (99.5*) and SO tired. She has taken two loooooong naps and they weren't in the wrap, they were on the couch. She hardly ever naps on the couch. When she does nap on the couch it's never for more than 10-15 minutes. These naps have been hours long.

But here's the curve ball: Doozer just cut her first tooth two days ago. She's in the process of cutting her second. All the symptoms I listed for her are symptoms of teething.

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and got BuggaBoo swabbed to send in a test for whooping cough.

What's that? Are you asking, "Isn't he vaccinated for whooping cough?" Uh, no. Hoo boy. I'm not going into our entire vaccination philosophy right now, but to sum it up we are going to selectively vaccinate on a delayed schedule. Very, very delayed. One major reason is The Hubby has Type I diabetes and there is a strong correlation between vaccinations and the development of Type I diabetes. There is more to it than that but we have basically looked at the risks of vaccinating and the risks and odds of catching those diseases and have decided we can deal with the disease odds better.

The Hubby and I talked about this. If we could go back in time we would probably make the same decision as we have already, to not vaccinate for whooping cough. Heck, we don't even know if that's what we're dealing with. But my mommy senses have been tingling for over a week now that what I'm dealing with is whooping cough, and that was before BuggaBoo was exhibiting any major symptoms. I hope in this case my mommy senses are wrong.

And here's the major whine of it all: I'm feeling like my body is letting my children down. I'm breastfeeding both of them, aren't I supposed to be protecting them through my breastmilk? Isn't my body supposed to protect their little bodies? I know the breast can create antibodies for specific diseases after an infected child nurses and passes the pathogen to the breast, so why didn't it work? Why are my kids sick? Why has Doozer been SO sick for SO long? Has any other mother felt this way?

I just don't know.

Fail!

So right now my life is not living up to my expectations. I mean, really, it's in danger of being grounded if it doesn't shape up. It came home the other day with a nose ring and some goth makeup and probably a venereal disease.

Doozer is sick, again. Well, she never really got better, but now it's gotten worse. We went to the doctor's today and were informed that she caught a cold but since her lungs have been damaged by the RSV and they haven't had a chance to heal the cold is really hitting her hard. I am now the proud owner of a nebulizer and some albuterol, to be used 3-4 times a day.

BuggaBoo does not have a bobby pin in his body anymore, but I haven't had time to update about that. However, he has been having some spectacular tantrums, mostly relating to nursing, not going outside when he wants to, and me zoning out on the computer. Thankfully they have been lessening, but screaming is never a good thing.

The Hubby, bless his heart, works and schools way too much. Both are vital to the health of our family unit, but I'll be happy when this chapter of our life is over.

So at this point my sewing projects are scattered, my sleeping is interrupted, I'm proud of myself if I remember to brush my teeth, I haven't attended church in six weeks, and my kitchen smells suspiciously like icky.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Hit the Road, Jack

Wow, I haven't posted in a long time. Well, nine days. Yeah, that's for-EVER in the blogging world. But there's not a lot to post. I have pictures for a couple tutorials but we haven't put the pertinent programs on our cleaned computer yet for me to download them. And Baby is still safely residing in my uterus, despite the fact that my due date was Valentine's Day. Which makes me a little sad because 1) I wanna meet this kid! And 2) I think it would have been a little neat to have a Valentine's baby.

Hmm, what to post about? How about a mini rant? The Hubby, BuggaBoo, and I went for a walk yesterday. We walk a lot. People often comment on it. So, anyways, we were out, I was trying a new way of wearing BuggaBoo on my back and getting strange looks from Westernized Americans. Which, come on, I find it *so* much easier to tie a kid on me to do my shopping/walking than lugging a stroller around.

But the baby-wearing is not my rant. My rant is this: Jack in the Box had one of their semi-trucks in the parking lot. It had a quote from "Jack" on it that said, "Forget diamonds. Salads are a girl's best friend." And that just kinda ticked me off. So try to stay on for this crazy ride of a rambly rant, I'll try to make my point concisely.

First of all, the quote points to the fact that it's "understood" a woman is to look glamorous. You wear diamonds for glamor, they tell the world you have money and they sparkle. I'm not talking down diamonds, although I don't really get the hype, but that's what they're for. So, Women = Pretty.

So, forget the diamonds! Eat a salad! Point number two: You can only be glamorous/pretty if you're THIN, people! Eat a salad! Feel virtuous! And that salad better be your best friend, because your figure is more important than everything. Once again, I'm a big supporter of eating a healthy diet, but crazy dieting never helped anyone.

The Hubby thought it was funny. No, I'm not mad at him for that. We talked about it and what I saw when I read the quote and he agreed with me, that it was detrimental to women AND men because it holds up a stupid ideal. So this leads to point number three: This way of thinking is so pervasive that you don't consciously think about it anymore, it has become FUNNY.

Now, the salads they had pictured weren't "wimpy" ones, they were covered with fried chicken, cheese, and croutons. The calorie and fat count would rival a hamburger and fries. But the IDEA of a salad being slimming is what they are selling. So the disconnect between the quote and what they're actually selling also made me a bit mad.

So, I'm a little peeved at JITB. But I still love their fries.