The Monster in My Bed

BuggaBoo is an interesting creature. He likes things to be done just so, and he likes them to be done NOW! One of his most enjoyable activities is crawling into bed with us at the crack of dawn and nursing. Now, I like this ritual as well, but only so much. My perfect morning would be having the boy child wiggle under the covers, nurse once, and then drift off to sleep for another hour or two. His perfect morning would be to wiggle under the covers, kick The Hubby, demand to nurse, pretend to sleep for five minutes, demand to nurse, and then repeat until he finally wakes up Doozer much too early for her liking.

So mornings are something that need to be dealt with. See, Doozer is a fitful sleeper until about 4:00am, so I'm constantly nursing her or switching sides or trying not to move so she finally settles down. BuggaBoo likes to enter the scene between the hours of 5:00am and 6:00am, and since I can't fall asleep at the speed of light like The Hubby can I often don't get a lot of unbroken sleep. I've tried explaining to BuggaBoo that if I don't get sleep in the morning then I'm a grouchy mommy more prone to yelling and such, but at dawn he's not exactly thinking about the rest of the day.

We tried giving him a bright clock and telling him he can't come into our room until the first number was a seven, but that didn't work so well. He woke up at his normal time, came in, and I informed him it wasn't seven yet and he needed to go back to bed. Then every fifteen minutes, just as I was starting to fall asleep he would yell, "Is it a seven yet?" I would say, "Look at your clock," and he would say, "Oh, not yet!" Then the plug got knocked out of the outlet during play that day and I foresaw the plug-knocking happening every day since I don't have a protected outlet near the clock. I didn't want to reset the clock every night so we needed to think of something different.

What it really comes down to is BuggaBoo is very hungry in the morning. He has discerning tastes and often doesn't want to eat what's for dinner. I tell him that's it, that's what we're having, deal with it, so most of the time he doesn't eat enough and goes to bed with an empty tummy. This translates into massive nursing sessions at dawn o'thirty.

Last night I tried leaving out a snack for BuggaBoo in his bedroom. Inspired by these cute lunch plates I made him an underwater scene. I'm sorry there isn't a picture, it was 11:00pm when I finished! I cut three fish from a low-carb pancake, put them on a blue plate, and gave them raisin eyes and banana leather bubbles. Raw pumpkin seeds were the rocks at the bottom of the fish bowl. Thinly sliced carrots were cut into seaweeds shapes, and nori was cut into waves for the surface of the water. Cheese was cut into a moon and little dots of cheese for stars. It was pretty fun and easy to put together!

BuggaBoo didn't even notice that they were fish. He kept insisting that they were just pancakes! So I'm a bit bummed by that. He still bugged me a lot this morning, but he only nursed once. I had promised to let him paint this morning so he just couldn't stand to see me in bed anymore.

However, there is something happy about all this. He has been in a much better mood this morning. So I think that qualifies this as a success. Hooray! I'm ready to repeat this experiment tomorrow.

There's just one catch. I can't think of tons of food that I can safely leave out overnight that aren't full or starches and sugars. Any ideas?

A Matter Close to My Heart...Literally

Attention:
This post is about breastfeeding, so I will be discussing things such as my breasts and nipples. If you would rather live your life without this information then discontinue reading.

Also, all health information is my own opinion and not meant to diagnose or treat any disease or ailment. Always consult with your doctor about any treatment program. Thank you.

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Three weeks ago Doozer bit me on the nipple, drawing a bit of blood. I don't blame her too much, she is still teething in earnest which makes chomping a natural reaction to having something in her mouth. Even if that something is a super sensitive part of me.

BuggaBoo did the same thing about this time in his life years ago, but his was a bit more malicious. He was wet, I was in a conversation and not really paying attention to his fussing, so I just stuck a boob in his mouth. Well, he figured out how to get my attention, and quickly! He bit me much more deeply than Doozer did, but it healed in about three days.

Not so this time around. Oh no, this time a little cut decided to become a large cut which became an ulcer. At it's worst this ulcer had a diameter of 3/8" and was at least 1/16" deep. Everyone I showed it to winced and groaned and one of the apprentice midwives that was at Doozer's birth even dropped the F-bomb. That last one cracks me up because she is such a mild-mannered lady. I visited with my friend a few days ago, a woman very knowledgeable in the way of breasts and babies. Her opinion is I have a very bad case of thrush which is impeding the healing.

Two weeks ago I showed it to my sister's midwife while I was visiting family in Washington. She prescribed comfrey, as a poultice and a salve. To use dried comfrey as a poultice you steep about a tablespoon of comfrey in boiling water until it softens, then apply to the wound and wrap tightly. In this instance I placed it in a breast pad. To make the salve I used coconut oil and dried comfrey. In a double boiler put water in the bottom and coconut oil in the top. Set the water to a simmer and melt the coconut oil. When it's thoroughly melted add a goodly amount of comfrey. Keeping the water at a simmer steep the herb in the oil for two to three hours, until the oil is a bright and beautiful green. Strain and put the oil in a container. Apply liberally, it is safe for breastfeeding babies.

So I was applying the salve and poultice but the continual nursing was not helping at all. So I decided to quit nursing on that side and just pump with a Medela hand pump. I also cut down BuggaBoo's nursing sessions to three times a day and kept them very short.

The result is yesterday I was nearly dried up. More dramatically there is at least a cup size difference between my two breasts, the smaller being the one I wasn't nursing on. While visiting with my apprentice midwife (she's not my apprentice, but, well, you get it) she explained that when the body receives less suckling under very stressful circumstances (moving, visiting family, The Hubby sick with the flu, major diet changes, BuggaBoo vomiting again) your milk supply can suddenly and rapidly dry up. The theory is it's for survival reasons, but I can tell you it's very frightening to feel you may not be able to nurse your little baby anymore.

So two midwives and a doula recommended starting an herbal regime to boost milk supply. According to them tinctures of fenugreek and blessed thistle are the best, followed by capsules, followed by teas. I found a capsule of lactation support I feel comfortable with. I'm taking three capsules three times a day, to equal nine capsules each day. I took my first dose last night and felt fuller this morning, so I'm feeling very hopeful.

The next bit of advice was to take a nursing holiday. I'm to do nothing but lay in bed (or on the couch, since The Hubby is using the bed to sleep for work tonight) and nurse the babies as often as they want it.

So, please, wish me luck. My nipple still isn't fully healed, my house is a disaster, and I think I caught The Hubby's flu. Lazing around isn't going to be as easy as it sounds.

Twilight: The Nursing Years

So it's official, I live with two vampires of the milky variety. Between the two of my chilluns I've been sucked dry, mostly of my emotional sanity. Don't worry about my milk supply, I honestly think I could support triplets.

Doozer is teething/growth-spurting/mastering the new skill of pulling herself up. This leads to nursing and holding marathons. She usually sleeps long stretches at night, but because of the aforementioned reasons she is staying latched on nearly the whole night with a 1-2 hour break in the early morning.

BuggaBoo is driving me crazy with the nursing. I'm torn about this, because when I dig down deeply I know that I love our nursing relationship, but his lack of patience is wearing me thin, thin, thin. He had been eating a lot of solids a few days ago, horking down as much food as we, the parents, do, but now he is back to mostly nursing. I'm afraid to cut him off, however, because his vomiting episodes usually follow a nursing marathon.

To show you how stressed I am, here this is: Although I am a strong believer in child-led weaning I have thought about weaning BuggaBoo completely. But it's not time, his nursing need hasn't been fulfilled yet. Nursing is the most important thing to him, he'll will choose it over almost anything. He will choose it over cookies, ice cream, and frosting, which are his favorite desserts.

As more evidence I'm going to relate our night-weaning experience. When I was 3 months pregnant with Doozer BuggaBoo was about 20 months old. He was still nursing every hour or two at night and staying latched for 15-45 minutes at a time. I was exhausted from growing a new baby and decided to night-wean the boy. Our agreement was he could nurse to sleep and nurse in the morning (loosely, after 6am) but that was it. Well, it was a month of screaming and crying and holding my breasts and touching a mole on my chest (he always touches it while we nurse) and going crazy. But after the month he was night-weaned and would ask to nurse at night about once a week, which I declined.

So by the time Doozer was born he had been night-weaned for six months. He still sleeps with us on a twin bed next to our queen. Well, it started when she was born and still continues to this day: BuggaBoo hears Doozer nursing and asks to nurse. He cries when I say no. Still. It's not every night, but it's often enough to be annoying.

So, to sum up the whole story, even if I were to wean BuggaBoo right now it would be absolute hell for the both of us because I'm still nursing Doozer and he would feel (rightfully) hurt every time he saw her nurse.

So we plug along. I don't do much in the way of housework. I'm feeling pressure from some about that because doncha know that a clean house is the good mark of a mother? I feel all touched out by the end of the day, and being touched by anyone else *coughTheHubbycough* gives me the skeevies. Oh, heck, even the kids touching me gives me the all-overs. I usually can't take a bath without one or the other in there with me, nursing away and splashing water all over the book I happen to be reading at the time (I try not to take library books in with me).

But the worst part of it all is I often feel like I've cheated BuggaBoo, that we had Doozer too soon for his needs. If it was just him then we could nurse whenever, without having to share or wait or scream. Nursing wouldn't be a battle of the wills, it would be me and my baby. Sometimes I feel Doozer could have waited.

Which then makes me feel guilty, because I LOVE this little girl, and I'm so happy she's here so then I think if BuggaBoo wasn't around so much then I could just have a relationship with her, and she's being shafted because BuggaBoo can't leave me alone.

We mothers are great about bringing on the guilt trips.

Milk For Thought

I don't have much time to post about my train-wreck of a life right now, so here's an interesting link about how bottle-feeding your newborn can make your body believe your baby died.

Out of Necessity

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know of Doozer's breathing difficulties. Those who have not been reading my blog are missing out on some amazing literature. Anyway, today we're going to talk about Doozer's health journey up to this point, which is culminating in a difficult decision for me.

I was visiting my family in Washington for three weeks for my brother's graduation plus some. I was hoping that Doozer's breathing would do better while I was there since we would be away from the mold present in our apartment.

Mold? MOLD? Yes, we have a moldy apartment. My manager and landlord try to pish-posh it off on Oregon weather, but that's only true if you consider that weather used to have direct access into my home through the rotten roof the winter BuggaBoo was born. That's when the mold started, when our apartment was drenched with Northwester rain. And it hasn't ended because getting anything done with the manager and landlord is like pulling teeth.

Right, Doozer's health. Well, she didn't get better, she actually got worse. We went to the ER one night where she received a chest x-ray (clear), an Albuterol treatment, and an oral dose of dexamethasone. She was wheezing again by the time we made it back to the car.

While we were in Washington I had Doozer scanned with a Pharmanex BioPhotonic Scanner to test her antioxidant levels. Here is an article that talks about the importance of the level of antioxidants in the skin, about halfway down. My level is 40,000. Not bad but room for improvement. Doozer's level is 28,000, not good at all for a breastfed baby. Everyone I've talked to about her levels says that Doozer is burning through her antioxidants dealing with all her health issues.

The Monday we were to head back to Oregon we did two things. First, we visited my childhood chiropractor to see if he could help with Doozer's wheezing and yeast diaper rash. Then we talked to one of my sister's midwives that is knowledgeable in herbs to see what she would do.

My chiropractor sensed energy blocks in Doozer's crown, sinus and jaw. He then adjusted those areas. Then he tested me for some things, since my health affects hers. He detected a B12 deficiency. Not good.

The midwife advised the use of mullein tea, colloidal silver, and tea tree oil. The mullein and silver were to be both orally and used in the nebulizer, the tea tree oil was to be used in the nebulizer only.

We drove home Monday night. Tuesday morning The Hubby and I took Doozer to her four-month well back check up. Our pediatrician did not like the sound of her wheezing, but she's growing well and has a happy disposition. He then diagnosed her with Reactive Airways Disease, or RAD. The pediatrician said this is because she had RSV at such a young age. He took her off the Albuterol, which made us happy since it gave Doozer the shakes and didn't do much for her wheezing. Then he prescribed Pulmicort, an inhaled steroid, which didn't make us happy.

The Hubby and I made this decision: We would try the natural method first, giving it until Wednesday night to work. If it didn't work by then we would put her on the steroids. We started nebulizing the mullein, silver, and tea tree oil several times a day. We saw a major improvement, so we decided to stick with the regime. By Thursday her breathing was amazing, beautiful, and perfect. Her little tummy was so rounded with each breath, I wanted to cup it with my hand.

Thursday afternoon BuggaBoo shoved the garden hose in Doozer's face, causing her to inhale some water. Every symptom came back with a vengance. The natural treatments were not working, and she was coughing so hard, working on getting that water up. Saturday morning, during a nebulizer treatment, she coughed up foamy, slimy mucus. I became very worried about that. I called our pediatrician's office and made an appointment with another doctor in the practice.

I took Doozer in to see the doctor, and the doctor wasn't happy with us. She listened to Doozer's lungs and decided that this wheezing episode was the same as all her others and had nothing to do with getting a face full of water. She wanted us to "stop that natural stuff" right away and put her on the Albuterol and Pulmicort. She didn't even tell me if she had heard water in Doozer's lungs until I asked at the end of the appointment.

After the appointment I did some research and found articles supporting my beliefs about dexamethason being ineffective in the treatment of infant wheezing and corticosteroids being ineffective in the treatment of childhood asthma symptoms.

Overall I was upset about the appointment and feeling very chastised for following my instincts. So I made an appointment with a pediatric naturopath. We had that appointment this last Thursday and I was very pleased with the outcome.

The naturopath was also unhappy with the allopathic pediatrician prescribing a steroid. We talked a lot about my diet, since I'm breastfeeding and whatever I do affects Doozer. The naturopath suggested upping our DHA and other omega-3 fatty acids to help combat inflammation. She told us to use probiotics to help strengthen our immune systems, including fermenting kefir at home. She told us to continue the use of mullein and colloidal silver but had us substitute lemon oil for the tea tree oil. She wants me to eat more antioxidant-rich foods like berries and leafy greens to help combat Doozer's free radical problem. She told us to help BuggaBoo's immune system so he stops bringing colds home.

And then she told me to eat eggs to improve my B12 levels, especially since I'm tandem nursing..

I felt this was going to happen, and I've been feeling the need to add eggs to my diet. But this is hard, guys. I mean, I really don't want to eat baby chickens, which is what I'll be doing because I strongly feel for eggs to have benefit for me they have to be fertile. But I don't want to do this.

The Hubby and I have always said that if things reach a point that we need to eat animals we will, but now that this time is here I am sad. I feel grief. I keep telling myself that this is needed, but a little voice is telling me that she must be wrong, that being vegan is always healthy, always. That anybody who says differently must be uneducated in the matter.

But I take my supplements nearly every day. I'm taking 16,000% of my B12 a day. I eat my nutritional yeast. I'm doing all the right vegan things. I have to come to peace with myself knowing I'm doing everything right but it's not enough. That it's okay to add eggs back in.

I will do this. I will do this for my babies.

This is a hard thing.

Breastfeeding and the LDS Church

Since I started sharing my Red Robin incident I've received a few comments about my "modesty issues". It's been said before, but I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church. Modesty is a big thing for us. The guideline is to wear clothes that cover your legs to the knee, cover your midriff, cover your shoulders, and have a modest neckline.

Some have felt that because my breast was showing while nursing meant I was breaking the LDS Church's standard of modesty, meaning it was somewhat sinful.

So this is what the LDS Church has to say on the matter:

"Mother’s Milk Is Usually Best for Small Babies

Our Heavenly Father made the mother’s body so it could produce milk. This milk is made especially for human babies to drink. It is better for babies than milk from animals. The first fluid that comes from the mother’s breasts after a new baby is born is also important. It contains substances that help protect the baby from diseases for the first few months.

Sometimes for health reasons a mother cannot breast-feed her baby. Milk from cows or goats or prepared formulas can also be used, but the mother must take greater care to keep the milk sanitary. A mother should breast-feed her baby if she can. The mother’s diet influences how much milk she produces for the baby. A mother who eats enough good foods and drinks enough water can usually produce enough milk for her baby."

Annnd, that's it. The LDS Church has taken no official stance on HOW breastfeeding is to take place, just that they encourage that it happens.

Now the LDS Church has a lot of wonderful things to say about modesty, but I want to focus on what it says about situational modesty (found at the bottom of the link):

“Are Latter-day Saint girls exempt from standards of modesty in dress while they are performing in marching or cheerleading groups?”

Marilyn Arnold, “Q&A: Questions and Answers,” New Era, Feb. 1975, 10

Answer/Sister Marilyn Arnold

My first reaction to this question is to ask another question: Are we, can we ever be, exempt from Church standards, whether in dress or behavior? Can we expect the Lord to bend his principles or put them aside for certain occasions? I think the answer has to be no to the general question, but there are some aspects of the specific question about marchers and cheerleaders that we need to examine. For example, does adherence to LDS standards mean a girl in a marching group has to wear a knee-length costume? Perhaps the answer to this question can also be suggested by another question: Should an LDS girl wear a knee-length bathing suit when she goes swimming or a turtleneck gown to a dance? Is a ballerina immodest if she performs in standard ballet attire? Modesty in dress is at least partly dependent upon the appropriateness of a particular costume to the occasion or activity for which it is worn. What is appropriate and modest for one activity may not be for another. We have to exercise judgment and make every effort to obey the spirit of the law.

A shorter-than-knee-length skirt can be appropriate for a marching group or for cheerleaders. But even so, the costume need not be immodest. In fact, a Latter-day Saint girl who is a member of such a group can be a strong voice in the choice of costumes. And she should speak up, insisting that the costume be in good taste, appropriate, and modest. Marchers and cheerleaders are in a very real sense on display. I am sure there is no relationship between the brevity of costume and the excellence of a performance. If her performing group, over her protests, selects an immodest (and hence, inappropriate) costume, a Latter-day Saint girl should most certainly choose in favor of the eternal principle."

You can have situational modesty during swimming, professional dancing and sports, doctor's visits, and birth.

************************DISCLAIMER*************************

The following is MY opinion based of the information given to me. It is NOT the view of the LDS Church. If you have any fault with what I'm going to say it is MY fault and not the Church's.

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I feel that breastfeeding in public is a situational modesty issue. I don't walk around with my breasts hanging out, but if my baby is hungry I will feed my baby the best way I see fit. I will strive to be discreet in most situations but if I cannot be 100% discreet I don't worry about it because of the situation I'm in.

So, let's talk about this. How do other LDS members feel? How do other of not our faith feel?

All of those LDS members who will be posting, please remember to NOT talk about things that we're not supposed to talk about. If you bring up sacred things I will delete your comment. This discussion can be had without bringing up those things we hold sacred.

Breastfeeding at Red Robin, aka OMG *Now With Update*

Okay, I'm starting at the beginning, because stories need back stories to make sense.

I am visiting my family in the Tri-City, Washington area. It was my little brother's graduation so I decided now would be a great time to come. The Hubby had to work so he stayed home and pulled in some overtime. On Father's Day The Hubby drove up for a visit, but he left Wednesday morning in order to be home in time for his shift that night. So Tuesday night we embarked to the only Red Robin in the area, situated in Kennewick, for a date.

Of course, it was a three-way date, considering that Doozer is too young to go very long without eating. Red Robin had been one of our favorite date spots, but I hadn't had Red Robin burger in a long time due to the fact their original Boca patties contained cheese. I was very excited for our date since Red Robin has recently started offering Vegan Boca Patties.

We ordered our food and started enjoying a toddler-free evening. Doozer became fussy near the beginning of our date. It was her tired/hungry fuss, which always turns into a full blown scream if not attended to quickly.

I started to nurse her my usual way, by lifting up the hem of my shirt. This time it made me very uncomfortable to do so, because:

1) We were seated at a booth, so in order for Doozer to be in the right position she had to be above the table, and
2) I was wearing a tighter knit shirt.

The combination of the nursing position and shirt design made it so my shirt was pulled way up, exposing most of my midriff and part of my back. That made me feel very undressed, so I opted to instead breastfeed with my breast pulled over my neckline, somewhat like this picture, but I had sleeves on my shirt and my neckline wasn't so low. My shirt, when normally viewed, showed no cleavage. Doozer often had her arm covering the top of my breast, and the way she was position covered even more skin. I did not use a blanket or other cover. I have reasons for this:

1) I feel it's disrespectful for the little person at my breast to cover them up in a hot, stuffy blanket so others, particularly mature adults, can feel more comfortable.
2) I know people will not become accustomed to breastfeeding unless they see it, so I feel I'm doing my part to spread awareness and eventually acceptance.
3) In Doozer's particular case she has had RSV plus two more colds. Her breathing is not always the best and when she nurses I become awfully worried sometimes that she's not getting enough oxygen since her nose is so stuffed up. I'm not going to add to the problem by throwing a blanket over her head or have cloth too close to her nose.

About halfway through our meal, after the waitress had suggested another basket of fries, the manager came up. As soon as I had seen him my heart sank. Here was the conversation:

Manager: I'm very sorry to be bothering you, but do you have a blanket you can use to cover up? We've had a complaint. The is a family restaurant and so it would be nice if you could cover up.

Me: No.

The Hubby: It's my wife's legal right to nurse wherever she wants to.

Manager: I understand that, but this is a family restaurant. I have a shirt in the back.

The Hubby: (dumbfounded look)

Me: No, in that case, we'll just leave.

Manager: I'm really sorry, but this is a family restaurant.

The Hubby: Can we get some boxes for our food?

Manager: Of course. I'm sorry.

He didn't give any alternative to covering up, and his demeanor was such that I felt his next question would be one asking us to leave, hence why I offered to leave. I was so angry and embarrassed I didn't get the manager's name. He brought out boxes, we eventually got our check, and we left. The rest of our date consisted of hanging out in my sister's basement watching "Glee" and complaining.

Wednesday Morning, after The Hubby left for his four-hour-drive home I hopped on my Facebook account and updated my status to this (names have been changed to my blog nicknames):

"Went on a date last night with [The Hubby] to the Kennewick Red Robin. Left after the manager came up to us and asked us if we had a blanket I could use while I was nursing [Doozer]. [The Hubby] said it was our legal right to nurse anywhere we wanted, but I guess the manager didn't get that memo."

Well, the number of comments I received far exceeded my expectations. As of right now it's up to 145 comments. My good friend looked up Washington State's specific law on breastfeeding and found this:

"Breastfeeding mothers are protected under state anti-discrimination law, and can breastfeed their children in public places such as restaurants, pools, theaters,
government buildings, museums, libraries, busses, or parks. No one, including business owners or employees can tell a mother to leave, go to the restroom, or cover the child."

Here is article talking about the civil rights law. The article also discusses other civil rights laws passed in Washington. Here is the law about who cannot be discriminated against in public places. Here is a good question-and-answer about public breastfeeding for establishments and mothers.

After hearing about the law and reading all the comments posted by my friends I realized I needed to follow up with Red Robin. First I contacted the Kennewick Red Robin to get the name of the manager (later it turned out that through an innocent mistake they gave me the wrong name). Then I called their Guest Relations and left a message. They called me back and told me they were going the pass the matter onto their Regional Manager. They also told me my friend had called to tell them telling them how upset she was at how I was treated. There was some confusion since my friend and I have the same last name, they thought she was family.

A few hours later the Regional manager called me. The conversation went like this:

Regional Manager: I am so so sorry this happened to you! Can you tell me what happened?

Me: My husband and I decided to go on a date with our 3.5 month old daughter. We were excited to go to Red Robin because you now have the vegan Boca patties. While we were there I was feeding my daughter without a cover. The manager came over and asked me to cover up and that someone had complained. My husband told him it was my legal right to nurse. The manager said that was right, but could I still cover up, he had a shirt I could use. We said no, we'll just leave, and we did.

RM: I'm so sorry that happened. I know the manager in question and he's going to be so embarrassed. I'm sure he didn't know your rights.

Me: I understand, but my husband told him it was my legal right.

RM: Well, I'm sure that because he had gotten complaints. We will tell him it's the law that you can breastfeed. I'm really sorry this happened. But it's hard because it is a family restaurant. And we can't expect all the managers to know all the laws about breastfeeding.

Me: I understand that, but it's the law.

RM: I know, but there are children that go to Red Robin and it's now summer vacation so a lot of families are going.

Me: I understand your position, some people are uncomfortable seeing breastfeeding in public, but the law says I can do it anywhere, anytime and any way I want to and business owners or employees cannot ask me to move, leave, or cover up.

RM: I know, and we are going to inform the manager about your rights. But if there are three tables that complain, how can we shun those three tables to make one family happy? This is a family restaurant and we need to make it friendly for families.

Me: I understand your position, but it's the law that I can breastfeed uncovered.

RM: Well, we're really sorry about what happened and we want to make it up to you and we want you to come back and have a better experience. We want to send you a gift card.


The rest of the conversation consisted of the manager getting my information to send me a gift card. She also asked me about my friend who called in. She thought we were family somehow. I told her we were good friends who happened to marry men with the same last name. These are the problems I had with this apology:

1) Although I do not doubt the fact she was sorry this happened she still conveyed the feeling that she felt the Kennewick manager was in the right.
2) She did not fully expect her managers to know the local laws.
3) She told me only the single manager was going to be informed, not all of them.
4) She did not assure me that this wouldn't happen in the future. In fact, quite the opposite, I got the feeling that it WOULD happen again if other patrons complained about a breastfeeding mother.

So where I am now is considering a nurse-in at Red Robin. Not a screaming, ranting, sign-waving, every-breast-uncovered nurse-in. Rather I would like it to be a peaceful, thought-provoking experience where mothers come and nurse however they are comfortable whenever their babies need it. I want to show not only Red Robin but their patrons that breastfeeding is normal and not offensive. I want them to see it so they get used to it. Maybe it'll give the Red Robin staff a chance to use their new PR skills.

Thoughts?

Update 06/24/2010: I got a call from Liz at corporate at 10:00am today. It was a very positive phone call! Here's the conversation that took place:

Liz: First off, is now a good time to talk? I know you're a mom and really busy.

Me: Yeah, now is good, my littlest is asleep and the older one is watching TV with his uncle.

Liz: Okay. We are so sorry about what happened the other day. There's a lot of information about what happened and I wanted to hear it from you. Is that okay?

Me: Yes, that's just fine. Tuesday night I went on a date with my husband. We had my daughter with me and she got hungry so I started to feed her. At first I was pulling my shirt up but since we were at a booth it was really awkward and I was really exposed. Being in that position made my shirt be in my armpits. So I decided to bring my breast over my neckline and nurse that way. Then the manager came up to us and said somebody had complained and asked us to cover up. I said no and my husband informed the manager that it was my legal right to nurse wherever I wanted. The manager said he understood that but this was a family restaurant and he had a shirt I could use to cover up. I said we would just leave.

Yesterday I posted about my experience on Facebook and started talking to my friends about it. One of my friends found out the law in Washington is that managers, business owners, or employees cannot ask a woman to leave, stop breastfeeding, or cover up. I knew that my right to breastfeed was protected but I thought that a manager could ask you to leave. Once I learned the full extent of the law I contacted Red Robin's Guest Services about it. I got a call from Guest Services telling me they would have the Regional Director call me.

She did call me, and I'm sorry, but I don't remember her name. She told me she was sorry, and that she was going to talk to the manager who had talked to me, and that they were sending me a gift card. However, she also said that it's not really the job of the managers to learn the laws. She also didn't give me any assurance it wouldn't happen again. She said that the managers are supposed to make the majority happy, so if a lot of people complain about a breastfeeding that the manager would probably talk to the breastfeeding mom about covering up. I feel that's not good enough. So, yeah, that's what's been going on.

Liz: Well, I again wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened. I'm a mom who has breastfed and I know how important it is. Moms who are breastfeeding should be able to feed their babies wherever they need to. The manager was in the wrong and we are going to instigate a company wide training to teach about what to do when customers complain about breastfeeding.

Me: I think that sounds like a great idea, that would be wonderful.

Liz: We have training for our managers already to train them on local laws and such, we contract with an independent third party to do our training. We will be sure to make an emphasis on breastfeeding training. We'll start immediately at the Kennewick Red Robin, but I want to let you know it's going to take a little bit of time to implement it nationwide.

Me: I understand, it's a big company. I'm glad you're implementing this.

Liz: Now, I want to make it very clear that I'm not making excuses, but it's a very sticky situation for our managers to deal with. It's hard to make everyone happy. Do you have any ideas on how to help?

Me: Yes, I do. First of all, there is a website for Washington breastfeeding laws that offers little cards you can print out. Mothers can use them to inform others about their rights and managers can give them to customers who complain to explain the laws. That way your managers can say, "I'm sorry, but it's the law," without the customer getting mad at the restaurant.

Liz: That's a great idea!

Me: They also have fliers you can print up and display in a prominent place of your restaurant informing customers of the law. Also, I know that breastfeeding laws are different everywhere. In Washington mother's rights are protected but in Idaho I know managers can ask you to leave. It would be really nice if Red Robin was a breastfeeding friendly restaurant everywhere, regardless of the laws.

Liz: That would be good. Do you have the website for those cards? That's a great idea.

Me: I don't know it off the top of my head, but I can email it to you. Do you want me to send it to guest relations or do you have a specific address you want me to use?

Liz: You can use guest relations, but here's my email address, it's really easy. [Email address]. If you have any ideas you can send them here, we want to hear them and we want to have an open dialouge.

Me: I can't think of anything else right now, but I'll ask my friends if they have any ideas. I wanted to say that I really appreciate this phone call, thank you for doing all this.

Liz: My pleasure, we just want everyone to be happy.

****

So overall I'm really happy with how Red Robin is handling this now. I don't think I'll organize an official nurse-in but I think it would be a good idea for mothers to go to Red Robin and nurse. Also, let them know how you feel about how you want them to uphold a mother's right to breastfeed, whether it's state law or not.

If they don't do what they say they're going to then we can take this further. But as of right now I'm feeling pretty happy.

Updated again: I wanted to add a link to the web page that has the little cards to pass out. Enjoy!

Caution: Complaining Ahead, Also Some Controversy

BuggaBoo is sick. Again. I don't know what it is but he's never been this sick this often. Is it because he's a more social creature now and all of his friends get sick? It's a mystery to me.

I wouldn't worry so much about BuggaBoo being sick if it weren't for the fact that I have a 3-month-old Doozer in the house. And I think she's getting what BuggaBoo has. Again. What do I think BuggaBoo has?

Whooping cough.

If you follow the above link and read the first two paragraphs those are exactly the symptoms BuggaBoo has had to date. Tired, wet productive cough, clear runny nose, lack of appetite, low grade fever, sneezing.

Doozer has had a cough (not as wet or as often as BuggaBoo's), sneezing, and today she's been not very hungry, had a low fever (99.5*) and SO tired. She has taken two loooooong naps and they weren't in the wrap, they were on the couch. She hardly ever naps on the couch. When she does nap on the couch it's never for more than 10-15 minutes. These naps have been hours long.

But here's the curve ball: Doozer just cut her first tooth two days ago. She's in the process of cutting her second. All the symptoms I listed for her are symptoms of teething.

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and got BuggaBoo swabbed to send in a test for whooping cough.

What's that? Are you asking, "Isn't he vaccinated for whooping cough?" Uh, no. Hoo boy. I'm not going into our entire vaccination philosophy right now, but to sum it up we are going to selectively vaccinate on a delayed schedule. Very, very delayed. One major reason is The Hubby has Type I diabetes and there is a strong correlation between vaccinations and the development of Type I diabetes. There is more to it than that but we have basically looked at the risks of vaccinating and the risks and odds of catching those diseases and have decided we can deal with the disease odds better.

The Hubby and I talked about this. If we could go back in time we would probably make the same decision as we have already, to not vaccinate for whooping cough. Heck, we don't even know if that's what we're dealing with. But my mommy senses have been tingling for over a week now that what I'm dealing with is whooping cough, and that was before BuggaBoo was exhibiting any major symptoms. I hope in this case my mommy senses are wrong.

And here's the major whine of it all: I'm feeling like my body is letting my children down. I'm breastfeeding both of them, aren't I supposed to be protecting them through my breastmilk? Isn't my body supposed to protect their little bodies? I know the breast can create antibodies for specific diseases after an infected child nurses and passes the pathogen to the breast, so why didn't it work? Why are my kids sick? Why has Doozer been SO sick for SO long? Has any other mother felt this way?

I just don't know.

I'm Awesome

Check out my mad tandem nursing skillz. This is what I get to see everyday.

Some Sewing Has Been Accomplished

Don't have heart attacks! It is true, I did sew something, and it was all for my greedy self. I have had this idea rolling around in my noggin for a nursing shirt that needed to be born. However, I didn't know if it was going to work and I didn't want to spend money on it. So in steps a t-shirt top leftover from a previous project and some scrap knit fabric.




May I say up front that although I love these colors of blue and gray I am NOT a lover of color block shirts. However, as stated above, I didn't want to waste fabric on something that I wasn't sure was going to work. So I didn't.

So here's the finished shirt.




The pleating is very hard to see, but there are three pleats over each breast. Also, I'm feeling very self -conscious about the lack of hair styling, eyebrow grooming, and shirt hemming.





And now for the function part of the shirt. It's hidden in a pleat.




Don't worry, folks, it's a bra.

I made a few mistakes on this shirt. That's what muslins are for, right? I didn't make the pleats deep enough to lay smoothly over my bust. I am currently a 34F. The shirt looks better with this bra, my other bra has underwires and makes me, erm, perkier, thus spreading the pleats even more. I also miscalculated the amount of fabric needed and ended up putting in two strips, one on each side of the front. I think I over-fitted the top, I should have left it boxier for this look.

So let's see this sucker in action!





Not good enough? Well, how 'bout we double it up.





Not bad for about an hour's worth of sewing.

And now for a parting picture of my little girl.