Today is Doozer's second birthday.
No, no pictures. No in-depth remembrance of her birth. No party, no presents from her parents, and no cake. Yet.
The children and I are walking to the store later to remedy the cake situation. I was planning on buying a box mix and a can of frosting a la BuggaBoo's third birthday, but I looking at the kitchen with the... *sigh* ...week or two of dirty dishes put a full stop to those plans. I'm purchasing a ready-made cake and some ice cream for the festivities, which will consist of our little family gathering around to watch Doozer open presents from the rest of the family and a promise to try better next year.
So then the Guilt-O-Meter starts ringing bells and letting off steam and so that signaled to me that I needed to realign my perspective.
Is this the best birthday celebration in the world? No, not really, not by "mommy blogger" standards. But, really, what is best for my Doozer at this time? What's going on with me at this time? I'm in a deep part of my funk stage, and energy is just a memory. So I can expend what little energy I have cleaning the kitchen, then baking a cake, frosting it, and probably (certainly) losing it on my kids and myself and being a general horror to be around. Or I can ditch my "what should be" and redefine what good is.
Good is treating my children well. Good is recognizing my weakness and adapting to it. Good is thinking of myself with kindness. Good is buying the damn cake instead of making it, watching my daughter enjoy presents that aren't from me, and giving her a big hug afterwards because she's growing up so fast.
Happy Birthday, Doozer. I'm giving you the best I have right now. I'm giving you good.
1 day ago