Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Bumpy Road Ahead

So my brain is feeling a little fried. I'm still having emotional upheaval in my life, but it's becoming more complicated. I'm realizing many things about myself and my family dynamics and I've come to the conclusion that I need to work through my childhood before progressing positively with my life. And, ugh, how cliche is that?

After The Hubby and I got married we took nightly walks down by the river while I ranted, yelled, and cried about my childhood. When The Hubby joined my family they dynamics had settled down quite a bit, so I was opening that filthy chasm into my past so he could understand me. Together I healed enough to have a pretty amazing marriage. I thought that chapter of my life was closed, that I was "over it."

Kids enter stage right. Now I know that my past hurts have not been resolved, that things still aren't optimal between The Hubby and I, and that I am so child-like from my wounds I am not fully able to parent my children. If it had just been us two adults I think everything would have been okay except for the occasional meltdown. Well, that's not exactly true. I've been reading a lot (which is what I do when confronted with a problem) and I now know that though I love The Hubby like a spouse and lover, I was/am expecting him to fill me with the parental love I didn't get. And to quote my older sister, "Who really wants their husband to love them like a parent? I mean, when you're actually being logical?" I don't.

In case you're interested, here's my reading list, plus my thoughts on the books.

Bad Childhood---Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood, by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Okay, I know not everyone loves Dr. Laura (I hate some of her advice), but this book was pretty amazing for me. It was hard to read, it was hard to put down. I remember reading it a few years ago and thinking, "Eh, I'm over all this so this isn't for me." Now I want to read it again and take notes. I had some pretty big revelations through reading this book, but I think they deserve a post of their own.

The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears, by Elizabeth Pantley

This little treasure helped to reaffirm my parenting ideals while giving me practical tools to carry out said ideals. It also gave me the confidence to realize that my son is not a brat, no matter how much certain family members may think so. Basically this book reiterates for me that my goal in parenting is not to have a perfectly behaving child, it's to help form a fully functioning, independent adult. An adult who can make their own decisions in life, not just what I tell them to do. It also has a section on what to do about parental anger. Hint: anger happens, it's how you deal with it, and everyone makes mistakes.

Giving the Love That Heals, By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D, and Helen Hunt, Ph.D

We're getting books that's I've started, haven't finished, but like what I read so far. This one contains informaiton on how giving approprate love to your children can help heal your childhood wounds. I want to read the companion book, "Getting the Love You Want".

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, by Karyl McBride, Ph.D

This is a good book so far, I think it would help my mom out more in dealing with the relationship with her mom. I'm only halfway through, so I can't give a complete review on it, but I'll finish reading it, so it can't be horrible.


So there we go, that's what's on my bookshelf. Have any of you read any good book on dealing with your childhood? Care to share?


  1. thanks for sharing the reading list krista! i hope they can help me through my struggles.

  2. I think time helps too. I know that I had a "different" childhood as well. We've discussed some of each others a few times. One thing I have learned is that time realy does help a person work through things. For me the choice was difficult, but estrangement was the only answer. :-( I am hapy to see that you have found an easier way to work through things. We need to chat soon. :-)

  3. mmmmm, no books to recommend. I've found that each new season of life brings up new stuff ... for ex. when your parents need care, or when you have children, there's new stuff to deal with ... I think time also brings some understanding of how people may have felt they needed to cope in a certain way, even if it wasn;t right ... at least in my personal situation.

    so .... I don't know what goose thinks about my clothes vs. RTW ... he does love matching daddy on Sundays. He hates it when RTW pants slide off, so he likes mine better. But he is a sucker for a lightning mcqueen tshirt .... :)