Musings on Motherhood

Today BuggaBoo is helping The Hubby in the garden. They're moving my peonies to the front yard to make more room for potato towers. We're really trying hard to have a great garden this next season and the weather has gotten nice the last few days.

BuggaBoo is trailing around behind his dad shouting "Help you! Help you!" And I couldn't help but smile and feel joy in this little human. And then the doubts creep in. Am I sure I'm ready for another child? Never mind the fact that there's not much I can do about it at this point, I still thought it. I wonder if I could be happy having just one kid. And I'm not sure. The answer is probably yes, but I know I'm ecstatic about Baby. So why am I having these thoughts?

I pondered this while finishing up some pants for BuggaBoo (they needed elastic). I came to the conclusion that it's not another baby that I'm doubting, it's the complications it's going to bring. BuggaBoo has hit the point of semi-independence which makes my life a lot less complex. Well, it's become complicated in other ways, but I'm not attending to a baby every moment. Now I'm just worrying about healthy emotion development and keeping up with his curiosity and potty training.

But there are days that I crave for a newborn. For the simplicity of knowing I can answer every problem they have. For having a child that actually wants to snuggle at other times than just bedtime.

But having Baby is going to be completely different than when I had BuggaBoo. The main reason being that BuggaBoo is here already. So I can't turn all my attention to Baby, as much as I might want to. And BuggaBoo isn't going to really understand this new intrusion in his life. Case in point, he's crying right now because the cat is in my lap and not him.

But I know that Baby will come, we'll work it all out, and in about eighteen months or so I'll be ready to board this crazy ride again and add Number Three.

And I'll have the same doubts.